Just resting.

I know, the irony doesn't just bleed . . . it gushes.

Gushes like a fountain.

Okay, a waterfall.



Fuck it. I will never stop going deep. You can be sure that if there's an afterlife, I'm not thinking twice about firing into triple coverage.

You guys didn't ask for what I thought, but you're gonna get it. Here's my list of guys, right now, who aren't up to what people claim them to be:

( 1. Kyle Orton )


( 2. Ben Roethlisberger )


( 3. Matt Schaub )


Now the rest of the guys ... I mean you got your old guys like Brett Favre and Kurt Warner, your really young kids like Mark Sanchez, Kevin Kolb, Joe Flacco, and Matt Stafford, and I've seen some flaws in their game. For the young kids, I've seen stuff that ranges from minor to stuff that you can't keep doing 3 years from now. That's all fine and great. Favre's doin' an amazing job. He's proof that we can all bounce back from the edge. Favre had his problems with Vicodin, as we all have had similar troubles. More power to him. Maybe he can't keep it up, but I'm not sure that he won't. Really, I'm not here to judge these guys ... I just see stuff about these three guys that they should definitely address. I picked Orton, Roethlisberger, and Schaub because they were the three guys that really spoke to me about where they are, currently. They should worry about a valley instead of a peak. Some guys like Kerry Collins, Jake Delhomme, Trent Edwards, Brady Quinn, and JaMarcus Russell, these guys are already in that valley. Nobody's deeper than JaMarcus right now. Some guys like Jay Cutler, Tony Romo, Philip Rivers, and Tom Brady, they got other factors weighing them down, putting them in-between. None of those last four aren't really over-hyped as of this moment, but they're not exactly doing great, either, so maybe they are overrated, but not as much as they were a few weeks ago. I just picked the three guys who I feel are about to fall into their category.

( Oh, there's one other guy. )

Guys I like? Loving the Mannings right now. Love Brees. Love how Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers are slinging the ball, even though their teams aren't looking too solid, especially Aaron. Whoo that boy can play.

If I didn't mention your favorite QB, well, there isn't much to say right now. That can be a good thing. Yeah, yeah, I know, not much to say can be a bad thing, too. Shaun Hill is a tourniquet. Yeah.

So yeah, uh, I'm all right, don't nobody worry 'bout me. Those guys I numbered though, worry about them. I'm sure you got your picks for overrated QBs. I'm serious about these guys. I'm an NFL bust, and I know failure, and I don't want to be right about them. Screw all the haters, it's time for beers.

Oh, Jeff George. You ageless wonder ... yeah, pshaw, right.

Jeff George still thinks he can return to the NFL.

The relevant text:

Jeff George thinks he can still play
By Mike Penner

July 28, 2009

In case this Brett Favre thing doesn't work out for the Minnesota Vikings, or Matthew Stafford doesn't pan out with the Detroit Lions, Jeff George has a suggestion for a possible replacement: Jeff George.

"I feel like I can still play, and if there's someone out there to give me a shot, that would be wonderful," George told IlliniHQ.com.

"You look throughout the league, you see 20 teams that need quarterbacks, 20 teams need starters and probably everybody needs a backup. In my opinion, there's just not a lot of quality quarterbacks out there these days."

And George, who hasn't played a regular-season down for an NFL team since 2001, is looking to add one more name to that list.

Okay, if any team signs this guy, give me a call. No, really, if Jeff George has something left to offer even to the lowliest of basement clubs, I guarantee you that I won't be anything but a better choice.

Jeff ... your arm was never the problem. It was your attitude, dude. Believe me, I know all about attitude. We didn't have the right kind, whatever 'right' was. Anyway, it's water under the bridge. We are who we are. Let it go, Jeff ... you're like that militia guy still playing war games 20 years after he was dishonorably discharged. Nobody should be jonesing that bad for the sport. Knock it off.



Hey Jeff my man ... if the UFL or any other league comes knockin' ... help me out, bro. Just mention I still got it, too. Thanks.

You have no idea how one little pain pill can turn into a PR nightmare.

Okay, I had some "issues" with a little slip and fall I had while hanging out over at Delta Zeta. By issues, I mean, you try explaining why you fell out of some kid's bed trying to shut off her mp3 alarm clock. Nevermind that I lost my pants, which, by the way, guys that wasn't funny. You try hobbling out of a sorority house in leggings. Purple leggings. They were all I could find in her room that stretched enough for me to wear. I'm sorry, but I thought it was bad enough waking up to Taylor Hicks crooning about not letting me go. Out in front of the house, passing by people on the way to my ride. In purple leggings. Damn. Would it kill you women to have some big ass pairs of t-shirts and sweatpants around, for times like this?

Eighteen years old. That's a really young age to me, now. Don't get me wrong, I was really comfy with my Wooderson status on campus. The ladies, what can I say, they dig me. This one, though, man, it felt different. I felt like Larry Kroger when he found out Clorette was 13. She was telling me all about her Lit professor, how much she likes strawberry shakes, some aqua hunger force, how she's gonna be like Anne Rice or J.K. Rowling, I mean all of the sudden, 4 beers later, she wants to show me some vintage Poison album she got from her uncle, and wham, she's all over me. Straight sacking. I put zero moves on her. Maybe that's what's blowing my mind.

At least this girl wasn't clingy, like we'd be together forever. Leaving was easy. There was a note, telling me she was off to the library, make sure to lock the door. Anyway, I'm a former pro quarterback, coach at the school, if she needs me, I ain't goin' nowhere, or so I thought at the time. That part can be really awkward if they catch you sneaking out ... the shit you'll sell them just to get out the door. I gave one girl the number to an abortion clinic. I thought that was funny. Until she found out my real number, and she told me she got pregnant. Never again.

So, I'm all fucked up, hobbling around campus, no real excuse for it, I'm talking serious pain, like when I was getting my block rocked in the pros. It hurt. Bad. I felt like the recipient of a Romanowski hit, like he'd handed out another batch of 'roid rage. I didn't miss this kind of pain. Naturally, there were kids on the team with similar problems. Where there's injury, there's docs. Where there's docs, there's 'scripts. So I figured, well, I don't need to go see a doctor, just so he can tell me to go get a big bottle of Advil. These kids got the good stuff, let's get me a couple pills.

And now, can you believe it, police investigation? One little pill, and I've got the entire state of Texas on red alert? Which one of you lil' punks narc'd on me? I guess it doesn't matter, but damn. One little pill. I sure hope you never get caught by the cops after you had one too many. Karma's a bitch.

Anyway, what a bummer. I hope some of you out there had a happy Thanksgiving.

SHIT.

I probably shouldn't have taken Tom and Randy Moss with my first two picks.

You're welcome at my place anytime, Tom. Have a drink, on me.

He beat somebody today.

Of course, it didn't hurt that Kurt Warner went out early with an injury. When you're down to the third string, most teams will probably lose.

Welcome to the club, Kurt.

You touched greatness like few of us did. Super Bowl ring, huh? Well, your future is Vinny Testaverde. When you're 43 and your balls are hanging down around your socks, you'll pull up the Depends and secure them with duct tape if someone cuts you a check. Hell, you're on the Cardinals. Anyone can tell you that's one of those teams.

I'm too good for that shit.

Hey Joey Harrington, I sense this for your future. Get ready . . . stock up on pain meds before your slow legs can't save you from the defenders. Talk to Drew Bledsoe. Just ask David Carr.

Seriously.

You can bet that Chicago or Baltimore would have enjoyed an upgrade.

Denver might have enjoyed me, too. I'm probably better at this point in my life than Jeff Garcia ever was. Who knows if the Giants had signed me instead of Kurt Warner to mentor Eli? I can't run like Atlanta's quarterback, but I could throw the ball better than he does. I say the same thing for Jacksonville.

There's no way I'd have any part of Cleveland, Houston, Arizona, Tampa Bay, Oakland, and Detroit. I could out-gun whatever they got going on for a starter these days, but hell if I'd want to take the punishment of getting hammered by defenders because the linemen can't block. Simms was a fool. Never sacrifice your body like that.

I can't say I was always this confident.

Well, it was never better than this day.

Smile for the cameras. Lights. Action!

Everything seemed possible to achieve.





The list of guys brings back memories.

Andre Wadsworth.

Curtis Enis.

Sigh.

I will say it as many times as needed to get the point across to everyone.

The best quarterbacks in the game, they don't compare. The best QBs of all time, there's just not any comparison there, either. If there was any ever quarterback yet to be, well, that's just not quite the same.





I am the greatest QB that ever played the game.



I've purchased most of the remaining Costacos prints.

Shit, this Olympia beer is good.